Letter to Me at Sixteen.

I have been invited to write this letter a few times and I have been thinking for a while as to what I would say. Most of the other letters that I have read have been advising their 16 year old selves to make different decisions in their life. Wiser ones. Truer ones. Better ones. But I'm not sure. I'm not saying I haven't made a few wrong turns and bad decisions in my past. I didnt get to where I am today within the time frame I had when I was 16 when I thought I would meet the man I would marry at 22, marry him at 24 and have kids at 26 - nowhere NEAR this time frame actually. About 10 years late and one husband too many.

BUT - I wouldnt be the woman I am, with the knowledge that I have today, without taking these turns and making what was in hindsight some very poor choices. I wouldnt have met my (second)husband and have the two most gorgeous little boys if I had not been exactly where I was when I met him and I wouldnt want to change that for the world.

At 16 I was actually a good kid I think. Still a virgin but lost that a year later with the most beautiful, soulful boy and I wouldnt change that experience for anything - it was just how it was meant to be and I cherish the memories.  

I was pushed too hard to go to university by my Dad - it was just a gimme that I would go, no questions allowed - without really having anything that I was passionate about in mind to study so maybe I would change that. I was smart at school but not uber-intelleigent so I was pushed by my Dad to do Maths 2 & 3, Physics, Chemistry etc and I got average scores in all, resulting in a mediocre TEE score which qualified me for not much at uni.  I ended up with a HECS debt for a degree I never used (BA in Politics) and eventually became a Restaurant Manager which I enjoyed very much and loved doing for 15 years. I do regret not looking at the big picture and getting awesome scores at the less "Dad-proud" subjects.

Never did drugs, unless you count smoking pot once or twice. Only ever got hideously drunk once at my Dads house whilst he was away (woke up with my hair stuck to the rug with my own vomit - so classy). Got arrested for shoplifting once and I have lost my license twice. Whilst all silly decisions I dont really regret them and learnt valuable lessons from them. 

I was horrible to my mother for most of my teenage years and I regret that now. I never forgave her for selling our family home after my Dad left and I was awful to her. I think I would slap my 16 year old self for that if I met her now.

I wanted to marry the man who never asked me and I said yes to the first man who did. Whilst I dont regret loving my first husband I do regret marrying him as it pained us both in the end and brought us both little satisfaction for a long time. However I may not advise my 16 year old self not to do this as I learnt a lot about my limits and how much I could bear and whilst it came close, it never broke me. I learnt a valuable lesson and it is one of my current life mantras (and not just about relationships)......

 "You Get What You Settle For"

I decided the second time around to never settle for less than I was worth and my now husband treats me like gold which I cherish even more had I met him earlier in my life :)

I have learnt that geography can cause great pain in relationships if you don't realise and work hard to accommodate. Having kids at different times to your friends can ruin a friendship and you have to try really hard, even when you are running on empty, to make them work. Realise that whilst you wont always understand what they are going through it is still important. I have lost who I thought would be my BFF at 80 through all these factors and I regret it deeply. Although I regret it and I miss her madly, Im not sure how I could have prevented it and wouldnt do anything different. I stood up for what I believe to be true and lost my best friend - how can I change that without losing my integrity no matter how much I want her back?

So I guess in summary I would say:

Dear 16 year old me,

Keep doing what you are doing. Trust in yourself. Embrace your friends - the ones you have now are truly gorgeous (you know who you are ;) - you will make more friends, even better ones but how nice is to have connections to people who knew you when - cherish those ones.

Put down your foot and say No to your Dad - do Maths 1 and Biology, ace your TEE and dont go to uni straight away. Apply for an exchange somewhere overseas and travel before you decide what you want to do. Live in NYC while you can still get a working visa! Its OK if you dont know what you want to study now - just get a job and travel and you can study later. It will still be there.

Dont waste your tears on the wrong man. Wait and say yes to the right man who you have no doubts about, the man who makes you feel safe and who will never make you cry to start with. You may have to wait a while and things might not be on the right time table we had in our minds, but he will be worth it.

As the song goes, "Dont be reckless with other peoples hearts and dont put up with people who are reckless with yours"

Be nice to your mother - she loves you so, so much - give her a break and know that she can be more than a mother but also a friend. She desperately wants to and is trying so hard - let her in wont you?

I am proud of you - you are a strong, determined young woman who is going to be an amazing mother and wife - just trust that it will happen in its own time and try not to rush it cos once you have kids you will become a sleep deprived zombie who will give up just about anything, including your first born, for five minutes more under the sheets - and not in the way you imagine right now!!!

Live. Love. Laugh and be the best person you know how to be.

xxxxx
Lisa 2012.

'til Kitsch do us part...

Is anyone else here a hoarder?  I am and so is Mr Point Five. This is NOT a good combination as neither one of us can bear to throw stuff out. His excuse is that it may be "useful" one day; things like decorative tins, those cloths that wipe your sunglasses, DVD cases, ANY piece of paper that looks official.......he says "keep it, it could come in handy one day".  

This tub of electrical cables is a prime example of what MAY be useful at some point and we lug it from house to house with every move....

My excuse is that I can't bear to throw out anything sentimental such as these which are on my kitchen ledge looking down on me as I type....

See the dust on them??? I think there is a strand of cobweb between My Bunny's ears.

The glass bunny I got from a primary school friend for like my 10th birthday or something like that, the bronze cat I got from my ex-mother-in-law, the candle Im not sure where but I like it, I bought the mouse on a mushroom from a craft shop when I was little, the cat in the basket my mum gave to me at some point in my childhood, I cannot remember which boyfriend gave me the teddies and I have no idea where I got the mouse in the log but isnt he just precious???

Then there is the plain revolting which I like to think Mr Point Five holds all the cards to. 

Such as this Cookie Jar.....

It plays "who let the dogs out" and "you ain't nothin' but a Hound Dog" when you open its mouth for a cookie and it is so gross BUT I am not allowed to throw it out on threat of divorce and it sits pride of place in my kitchen. Erghhh. The plus side of this awfulness is it is nearly impossible for G Man and Master J to sneak cookies from it without me hearing :)

THIS vase that my interior decoratively challenged husband bought in Hawaii and he insists it being on display in our home....

Again, I live under threats of life as a single mother if I destroy it. Isn't it totally kitsch and god-awful??

I did throw out a precious heirloom of my husbands when we moved house the first time and I am yet to live it down. It gets brought up on many an occasion and I wish I could say I am guilt ridden, but I'm not. 

I'll explain. 

It was one of those things you get in a $2 shop to play at a teen drinking game (hubby was in the army before he met me so I use to genre of "teen" loosely. Im sure this was well used into his early twenties). I can only describe it as a Russian Roulette thing where you all get roaringly drunk, stick a finger in and then press a button and one of you gets a random electric shock. A real immature boys thing of which I had never seen him use in our relationship before the packing of the house. I was positive he would get no further use of it, would not even miss it nor even realise it was gone to start with. So I ditched it. 

O.M.G.

He noticed. Within 2 days of us unpacking at the new house. "Where is my electric buzzy drinking game thingy" he asks of me. "I want to show it to the guys at work". I feign ignorance, deny its existence,  plead innocence, tell him it must be in storage until finally in the wee hours of the morning and him foraging through every single mother of a box in the bedroom with the lights blazing I confess.

O.M.G.

Needless to say I won't be doing that again. He was the personification of the offspring of a bear with a sore head mating with an elephant who never forgets and five years later, with accusing eyes when he is reminded of it, I still rue that day if only with a perfunctory eye-roll and a "Yes Dear, I'll never do that again"

Hmmm - maybe I can palm a $20 to the removalists for the next move to leave the bubble wrap off the Hawaii vase. 

Now there's a thought.

How I met my husband - shh, its a secret.

Mr Point Five will fall through the floor when he reads this post - all of his friends and family think we met at a "karaoke" night which is essentially the truth if you go definitively by the word "met". So he tells people this when we are asked and I wink and motion to a select few that I will tell my version of this truth when Nick is out of earshot. He gets so embarrassed by the words ONLINE DATING so shhhhh - mums the word OK?

I had just moved back to Perth from living with my now ex-husband in Ayers Rock and I had a cushy desk job for the first time ever (my prior life had been Restaurant Managing and anyone who has worked in hospitality knows you don't sit down. Ever.) So this new gig with my own office and computer was very cool and I wasted a lot of time with internet surfing for things like dinner menu's for one, cheap sunnies that you didnt have to go to Bali for and other random stuff. Speaking of random, my home page which was set by my employer (so really it was part of my job description to click on it), had a link to Lava Life which on one bored Wednesday afternoon when the boss had gone home I nonchalantly investigated.   I needed to be pro-active, and not wind up pathetic and shagging some dude I met at the Desperate and Dateless ball, who lived next door to my Dads best mate who saw my car in the driveway one Sunday morning thus copping me a phone conversation from Dad that went in a sing song voice "bet I can tell you where you were last night....la la la laaaa la".  

By knockoff time I had signed up, set up a profile (no picture) and was ready to be swept off my feet.

Bahahahahahahahaha.

So after sifting through absolutes twats like this guy....

I finally hooked myself a date - a real live, meet you in person DATE!

The first disaster, date I met at the pub - I took a group of girlfriends and a copy of his picture so I would recognise him. We were sitting at a table and my girlfriend says to me, "is that him"???? pointing to a guy that was a dead set ringer, looked a little like, a 10 year older version of his picture. We sized him up for about 5 minutes, decided he had come with no mates and thought it could possibly be him. Great I thought. Awkward. Turns out he WAS 10 years older than his picture (and 8 years older than his profile birthdate), STILL lived with his mother, as in had NEVER moved out, and dressed like Chevy Chase in the 80's. After one drink I motioned for my friend (still watching with the gang, killing themselves laughing at my misfortune) to call me and I told him I had to go, family emergency. He texted me on the way home saying what a nice time he had had. Oh dear - DESPERATE.

My second date was scarily similar with the only difference being that he had previously moved out from his mothers house but had now moved back in because he was unemployed. At 42. Sigh. 

Righto - third date. 

This was Mr Point Fives profile picture - YUMMO!!! I thought too good to be true - it was probably taken at some wedding 5 years ago (he looked about 5 years younger than me) and he was going to be 10 years older and look all old and stuff. We got chatting and I noticed his online birthdate - he WAS 5 years younger than me!!! (actually, 5.5 - eeeek) and when we met he looked every bit as young and gorgeous as his photo, which was incidently taken at his best mates wedding the year before. After three weeks of cyber chatting, we arranged to meet on a Saturday afternoon at a pub for a drink. If we hit it off I was going to accompany him to a Karaoke night with his best mate and his wife for her "leaving work because I am pregnant" party. Long story short, I followed him to Karaoke that Saturday night (hence his story being vaguely true), fell in love with him the following night, broke up with him the day after (I got mega cold feet and panicked when I considered the age gap and my previous marriage baggage that I was bringing to the relationship blah blah blah), and was swept off my feet two days later by a very determined man who wouldn't take no for an answer. He stayed the night that night at my place and never moved out. 

I proposed to him 7 months later and we were pregnant 2 months after that.

He is my love and my life, loves me for every woman I am inside and he isn't afraid to fight for what he wants. I adore him and cherish the story of how we met - even if I have to say it was at Karaoke - shhhhhh.

Housework won't kill you - but why take the chance?

This sign should be on my front door.

I have a love-hate relationship about being a SAHM. I love that I get to witness all the little milestones that my kidlets achieve and I love that I get to cuddle and kiss them whenever I want. I love all the little giggles that I witness and cause, and I love the convenience of being at home with all my things about me.

I hate the fact that being a SAHM is not just that. It is also being a SAHC, a Stay At Home Cleaner, which I never really anticipated in its full extent nor really appreciated the unappreciated monotony of doing it every day.  

Now for those who say  "Isn't that what you wanted?" then yeeeeeessssss, I guess I did want to be a SAHM, but I imagined it to be very different. I thought I would indeed give Betty Crocker a run for her money and be baking cookies and cakes every day. I thought I would be lovingly preparing dinner for my husband every day and have my toes and fingers home manicured to perfection. I thought my children would be happily self entertained at the table , colouring in and playing with their toys, with the occasional loving acknowledgement from me about how nicely they were playing together.

What I didnt expect was a whirlwind of destruction that sweeps though my house on an hourly basis which totally negates ANY and ALL cleaning efforts made during the previous 24 hours. I didnt imagine how tired I would be, getting up at 6am each day whilst trying to maintain a healthy adult relationship with hubby in the evenings. I didnt imagine there would be no weekends. I certainly wasnt anticipating a intuitive baby who KNOWS when you are trying to stack the dishwasher, fold the laundry or tidy a bookcase and unravels your work as quickly as you have put it all back together. I didnt foresee spending countless hours trying to transform the bastard that is Optimus Prime, find Spidermans missing glove (no, hand socks wont do Mummy!) or Supermans cape so that G Man can play happily or exactly how many nappies Master J can produce when teething.  I didnt realise exactly how far food can travel off a highchair and how quickly a newly mopped floor can turn into a sticky mess with the power of just one drippy icypole or a pop top discovered by the wrong child.

I totally didnt realise how lovely it is to just snuggle on the couch with G Man whilst Jax is napping (valuable housework time) so that we can just have Mummy/G Man time. Soooo beautiful.

I totally didnt imagine that hubby would see ALL the housework as mine to do. I honestly imagined that on his 2-4 days "off" from his work that I might get one too. He says "but honey, I DONT think that you should pick up my socks or put my beer bottles in the bin for me or stack the dishwasher every day". Really??? Who else is going to do it? The cleaning fairy?  

Bahahahahahahahahahahaha haha ha ha ha    ha         ha. 

Aherm. 

I wish I had this

I envy people who have OCD. Contracting this the only way I can see my house being clean on a regular basis, and not just when we are expecting guests. I feel very guilty when people come visit who have OCD - I KNOW they are looking around, itching to clean up just that little bit more. These people are capable of being super parents AND super cleaners as well as everything else and should wear a medal every day. Oh and they probably do it all on five hours of sleep each night in their freshly laundered and ironed bedsheets.

Housework is the only thing that gives me penis envy.

and yes, I did search ebay for one of these when Master J started crawling.

Links like this - http://www.stayathomemum.net.au/tips-for-a-squeaky-clean-home/ - make me crack up laughing. Seriously, do these people have children? What is the point of having a squeaky clean house when it will be trashed in under 2 hours!  

Blog posts like this - http://mymummydaze.blogspot.com/2012/01/8-tell-tale-signs-that-your-kids-have.html - crack me up in their total accuracy and make me feel so much better about my housework prowess. "Couches are just oversized hankies" Love it!!

After much soul searching I have simply decided that I am not cut out to be obsessively neat and tidy about my housework and not to let it stress me. Lets face it - a happy mummy makes a happy family. The floor gets vacuumed when the little bits on the floor drive me nuts stuck between my toes. Mopping happens when the slant of the sun catches just right and I notice the big dried sticky puddle of cordial. Actually I fib - thats when I spot mop with the baby wipes. Real mopping happens when I see a LOT of them and it becomes not so cost effective with the baby wipes to do the entire house. I wash the sheets when I notice they need doing and I fold the laundry when I can no longer get into the laundry (folding washing is one task that Master J has a BALL with and whilst adorable, he is not very conducive to efficiency in this department).  Our house is a home - there is lots of love, laughter, kindness, gentleness, time spent on each other and enjoyment all round. There are fingerprints, crumbs and maybe a sticky cordial mark here or there that I haven't noticed between loving my kids or spending time with my husband. It is not pristine and if you don't give me enough notice on your intent to visit chances are you may be shocked. 

Or it may just remind you of your place when nobody is looking :)

PS - thanks to My Mummy Daze for the laugh :)

Sexting is NOT OK.

I have a confession. Its a bad one and I feel guilty. Very guilty.

Imagine this.

You're in bed with your lover. You are having a kiss and a cuddle and seeing "where it leads" (or in my case most of the time you fall asleep)

But in this case the hubby was on a promise so.....

Your receive a text. Things weren't yet beyond the point of no return.  What do you do???

Do you ignore it? If you do, do you wonder about who it may be throughout the whole lovemaking process? Does it bother you that you don't know who it is? does it distract from your orgasm? does it drive you crazy?

So, do you just have a peek to see who it is from without reading the message?  Does that make you feel better?...... knowing who it is from or do you still wonder what they are saying? Is it all you think about when you should be concentrating on the places your lovers hands are and where yours should be?

OK - so you read the message, very quickly, a skim read just so you know its not an emergency of some kind and that your advice isn't needed urgently and you can now relax in the sweet sensations of the bedroom. 

Except you don't. In your mind you already have a reply brewing which you cant turn off in your head. Its a witty reply, one that if you don't get it out now you will forget it and then have to send a lame reply back after the now disappointing lovemaking because you cant concentrate.

So, very quickly, cheetah like if you must, you bang out a reply to the text from a girlfriend that really was utterly inconsequential and so could have waited til the next day but you feel better - relieved . You know that your friend isn't wondering where you are, if you are OK, if you haven't in the emergency room of the local hospital, that you aren't splattered all over the highway or even WORSE that maybe you are enjoying a beautiful lovemaking session with your husband. Well you were, before the bloody phone went off and you not only peeked but stopped all activity to reply.  Kinda went a bit south after that.

Really should mute the damned thing before I embark on a promise.

If the hubby doesn't turf it in the bin beforehand - he nearly did last night.

My bad - told you. Definitely would NOT have done it the first time we made out so what makes it OK now, 5 years later? 

Nothing - because it is SO not OK. Sorry Honey.

And Mish, thanks for not texting back - hate to think what would have happened then ;)

What would you do??

Linky Blog - Choose Five

The Thing I'd Tell You has asked this question.....


In a fantasy world, forget about spouses and loves, if you could fall in love with {or be best friends with, I don't think it should all be about who you'd shag , so lets have some from both categories } a movie or tv character, name 5 you would choose. Not the actors but the movie characters. You have to tell us why.


Here is my answer :)


Number 1.

Westley - The Princess Bride

Oh My how I swooned as a teenage girl watching this!  Westley is dashing, heroic, totally gorgeous, leaps tall cliffs (of insanity) in a single bound and has the comic genius to rival John Cleese. Whats not to love and shag senseless in the barn (fetch me that pitcher) or on the Pirate ship? As you wish? Do I ever!!!

Number 2.

Navarre - Ladyhawke

Navarre is the thinking woman's man - he is a gentleman and a hero. He is stoic and will search the ends of the world to undo the spell that will bring Isabeau back to him. The end scene where he see's her face and then the look on his and he lifts her up so high and she throws her arms back in abandon - sigh.  If you haven't seen this movie, do so - I just adore it.  Matthew Broderick is an added bonus as an escaped convict (so cute, young and funny) and Michelle Pfeiffer is breathtaking.

Number 3.

Jax Teller - Sons of Anarchy

Here is the Bad Boy of my bunch - Jax is an outlaw motorcycle club member who has the body (including the buns) of steel. He will do absolutely ANYthing to protect his family and if the way a man treats his mother is any gauge to how he will be as a husband you just want to snap this specimen right up!  If you have to ask if that's a gun in his pocket then you're with the wrong man - he always has his piece with him.

(please dont hold it against me that I actually named my second born son after this beautiful creature)

Number 4.

Risque: Kelly Van Ryan - Wild Things

Probably guilty of over-sharing but whilst I am happily hetro-married and am well satisfied on my side of the fence, I would totally love just one night with Denise Richards on the set of Wild Things. Neve Campbell is a lucky girl.

Number 5.

Best Friend: Diana Berry - Anne of Green Gables

I always dreamt that I was Anne and my BFF in high school (you know who you are , reading this) was Diana. I had my own "Bosum Buddy" who was my kindred spirit and would lie in the middle of the school oval with me and discuss boys (real and Michael J Fox types) when we should have been doing cross country. I will treasure her forever.

The best perk of Kindy

I have to admit, I am so very nervous about G Man starting Kindy next month. He has never spent a single day in day care and I have been witness to all his milestones, big and small, thus far. I am already envious of his teacher who will probably get to see him form his first letters and hear him say so many new words for the first time, except she won't know him and won't know they are new. I don't want to even THINK about all the little milestones that will go unnoticed full-stop due to so many kids achieving at the same time - breaks my heart to even bear it thought :(   

I worry he will be teased, that he will be unhappy, that he will miss me, that he won't miss me enough and all the things inbetween. I want so very much for him but that requires letting him go - to have fun with other kids and learn how to fit in, how to be generous in spirit but I know he will see firsthand how cruel kids can be. I want him to learn all about the big world about him and how to be the best man possible when he grows up but I worry nonetheless.

I will miss him around the house, his little smile, his questions, getting him drinks and listening to the happy icypole slurps after lunch. His little brother will miss him terribly as well BUT I cant wait to see his happy smiling face when I collect him each day at the school gate - it will make my day (and his brothers) three days a week.  

BUT, there is a silver, gold,  platinum lining to the cloud that is my big baby boy leaving me next month....

Afternoon SEX. 

Mister Point Five and I have not had an afternoon romp since March 8th 2010. I know this date because it was G Mans second birthday and the last day he ever had a day nap . Our sex life has been held hostage to this travesty ever since.  I am in my prime early afternoon, I will even INSTIGATE sex (I know!!) in the afternoons but poor Nick.....well lets say it has been a dry few years for the poor bugger with a second pregnancy since then and me preferring the Master bed for sleeping rather than nookie in the evenings. Why would I want sex when I could be sleeeeeeping?

I have to say I feel a little bad when the class choices came out. Thursday is Nicks guaranteed shift where he starts at 5pm so the day would be wiiiiide open if you get my drift if G Man is at Kindy, as Master J still has day naps. BUT shouldnt Nick be enjoying Daddy Son time with G Man on his day off from Kindy too? 

Thought about it. 

For about 3 seconds. 

I miss afternoon delights and if we can schedule it in once a week it will be a win-win and G will be none the wiser as to why he is really in the Gold Class, apart from the fact it sounds cooler. Gold Class. Yeah baby. Bring on Kindy - and the tissue box.

Ewww - that came out wrong. Sorry. The tissues are for the tears I will no doubt shed - sex bonus or not, I really will miss my little sweetheart , just not so much on Thursdays :)